The Pigs watch “Black Christmas” and make New Years’ resolutions. With special guests AK and straight-from-Indiana, former Pig, Robb! (IMDb)
The tagline for ‘Rocky Balboa’ is “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” Unfortunately, that’s true. 102 minutes of Sylvester Stallone’s transparent attempt to remain a star reached hilarity of Chekhovian proportions by about minute 50 and forced half of the Film Pigs to flee the theater in search of a bar. There, they attempted to “box” brain cells out of their heads with alcohol in a futile attempt to erase the images of Stallone’s reconstructed body from their memory. Guest Pig Andrew Kamenetzky remained, if only to see Apollo Creed’s old trainer Duke help Rocky through the shortest workout montage in history. All in all, a horrid experience that made the Film Pigs wish for the wit, charm, and craft of ‘Rocky V’. (IMDb)
It’s beginning to look a lot like Norris! The Film Pigs celebrate the season with the festive holiday picture “Invasion U.S.A.” With the fierce demeanor of an indifferent koala, Chuck Norris saves America from the poorly-thought-out machinations of a Soviet terrorist and his band of extras from “The Warriors” with an empty, massive-stroke-like gaze and at least two kicks thrown by Norris himself. Once again, Chuck reaffirms the open-button shirt tucked neatly into your pants that is Freedom and the dense thicket of beard of Liberty for us all. Plus, holiday well-wishes to our fans. (IMDb)
TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).
James Bond. Reinvented. As a guy that shoots Free Runners, plays poker for about an hour and a half, then gets on a boat and sails for a while then wrecks a building in Venice that stops somebody from doing something for some reason. Basically, the movie falls apart after the first 40 minutes. (IMDb)
That diabolical Jigsaw is back – this time bedridden and kind of…boring. The Film Pigs sum up the third entry in the unending horror-by-tired-cancer-victim franchise from, once again, the back of a car in a parking lot. (IMDb)
Hoo-Aaaah! Listen up maggots! You are ordered to deploy our review of “The Marine”! And…then…hoo-aaah… “The Marine” sucked. It really just sucked. (IMDb)