Okay, perhaps movies that seek purely to make you sick to your stomach are abusing our whole “right to free speech” thing, but dammit if I’m not happier than a pig in putrid, bloody, pus-filled dung that they are around. This past weekend, I sat down with some friends to do a double feature of Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever and its DTV sequel, Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever. To be honest, when I first saw Roth’s original in the theater I was disappointed…but I’ll give it this: it holds up. I was still disappointed with it. However, after you wade through an hour long swamp of underdeveloped characters yammering at each other, the last twenty minutes of the picture are a lot of fun. Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever takes that last twenty minutes and turns into eighty minutes of pure disgustingness. And this is a good thing. Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: It’s So Disgusting!
What it says on the back of the DVD:
Gerard Butler (300, RocknRolla) stars as Kable, condemned criminal and globally famous super-soldier in the ultimate multiplayer game, “Slayers.” Human controllers direct each though and move of real-life prison inmates battling in hyper-intense environments–where the goal is freedom and the penalty is death. But when Kable suddenly decides he wants out, his rebellion threates the twisted plans of game creator Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall, TV’s “Dexter”), who will stop at nothing to crush the renegade commando in this taut, adrenaline-packed action-thriller. Continue reading Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #4: Gamer
A few people asked why I didn’t rant about Eli Roth’s performance in the new Tarantino picture. I’d love to tell you that I wanted to focus all blame on the director, given that it was his self-indulgent casting choice that led to this serious blight on his own movie. Unfortunately, that is only true in retrospect. The truth is, I found the movie so mind-numbingly stuffed to the gills with self-indulgence on Q.T.’s part, that by the time I got out to the car I barely remembered Brad Pitt was in it, let alone anyone else. Continue reading Eli. Your notes.
- Yay! Real WWII airplanes! No CGI cartoons flying around (I think there may have been couple cartoons, but most planes were real).
- Very hard to fuck up costumes when you’re dealing with Nazis. Those guys had “malevolent chic” down like noboby’s business.
- Kenneth Branagh blows his own head off with a hand grenade. Continue reading Awesome/Stupid/Pointless: Valkyrie (2008)
- Keanu Reeves arrives on earth in a slimy spacesuit that is described as “like a placenta.”
- New York City is nearly completely destroyed by a giant cloud of robot nanobugs.
- Sam Shepard in a western is always awesome. Even that silly one about history’s most famous gunslingers stuck in purgatory.
- Brad Pitt is a pretty menacing and unstable Jesse James.
- Casey Affleck’s Creepy Nervous Smile™.