Posts Tagged ‘Awesome/Stupid/Pointless’

Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #4: Gamer

February 5th, 2010 by Todd

What it says on the back of the DVD:

Gerard Butler (300, RocknRolla) stars as Kable, condemned criminal and globally famous super-soldier in the ultimate multiplayer game, “Slayers.” Human controllers direct each though and move of real-life prison inmates battling in hyper-intense environments–where the goal is freedom and the penalty is death. But when Kable suddenly decides he wants out, his rebellion threates the twisted plans of game creator Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall, TV’s “Dexter”), who will stop at nothing to crush the renegade commando in this taut, adrenaline-packed action-thriller. (more…)

Eli. Your notes.

September 1st, 2009 by Todd

A few people asked why I didn’t rant about Eli Roth’s performance in the new Tarantino picture.  I’d love to tell you that I wanted to focus all blame on the director, given that it was his self-indulgent casting choice that led to this serious blight on his own movie.  Unfortunately, that is only true in retrospect.  The truth is, I found the movie so mind-numbingly stuffed to the gills with self-indulgence on Q.T.’s part, that by the time I got out to the car I barely remembered Brad Pitt was in it, let alone anyone else. (more…)

Awesome/Stupid/Pointless: Valkyrie (2008)

June 12th, 2009 by Skelton

Awesome:

  • Yay! Real WWII airplanes! No CGI cartoons flying around (I think there may have been couple cartoons, but most planes were real).
  • Very hard to fuck up costumes when you’re dealing with Nazis. Those guys had “malevolent chic” down like noboby’s business.
  • Kenneth Branagh blows his own head off with a hand grenade. (more…)

Awesome/Stupid/Pointless: The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

April 9th, 2009 by Skelton

Awesome:

  • Keanu Reeves arrives on earth in a slimy spacesuit that is described as “like a placenta.”
  • New York City is nearly completely destroyed by a giant cloud of robot nanobugs.

(more…)

Awesome/Stupid/Pointless: The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007)

March 18th, 2009 by Skelton

Awesome:

  • Sam Shepard in a western is always awesome. Even that silly one about history’s most famous gunslingers stuck in purgatory.
  • Brad Pitt is a pretty menacing and unstable Jesse James.
  • Casey Affleck’s Creepy Nervous Smile™.

(more…)