Sorry I let your retarded kid, drown, Mrs. V. I was too busy using my ab-cruncher and misting with Axe body spray to take my lifeguarding duties very seriously. By the way, have you met my one Asian friend? He’s chill. He’s opening up my eyes to other cultures, and junk. I even taught him how to achieve that awesome lead-singer-of-Creed hairdo that’ll make him more acceptable to the rest of us white people at Camp Crystal Lake. Hey, what are you doing with that giant knife. Wait! No! It wasn’t me. It was the black guy! Yeah, our scholarship kid James was supposed to be on lifeguard duty that day. No! Please! I have so much to live for! My lacrosse scholarship at Vandy is secure. My trust fund kicks in when I turn 21. My herpes is totes in remission! No, please. ARRGGGHHHH-GURGLE-GURGLE.