Tag Archives: Gross

MOVIE COMMENTARY: Retardead (2008)

poster_retardeadThe second in our Holiday Season 2010 double-feature, Retardead is a more-or-less sequel to Monsturd. The mad scientist who created the poo creature from the first movie is back, this time injecting mentally challenged people with a serum that eventually turns them into zombies. Again, as far as gross/offensive premises are concerned, this is right on the money.

Unfortunately, the same issues from Monsturd remain: the ultra-low budget home movie style is made unwatchable by the entire production winking at the audience and itself in every scene. Retardead is also longer than Monsturd, which doesn’t help. The Film Pigs were pretty cranky by this point and in a much less forgiving mood. Which is the exact opposite of how you’re supposed to behave during the holidays. Maybe we ate too much Monkey Bread.

NETFLIX ALERT!

This commentary was recorded while watching Retardead on Netflix. All instructions for syncing to the movie are in the commentary, so give a listen and follow the crystal clear steps for maximum holiday cheer.

MOVIE COMMENTARY: Monsturd (2003)

DVD wrap.epsThe Good News: In the spirit of the holiday season, the Film Pigs bring you TWO commentaries! Overcome with the joy and love that accompanies the annual celebration of rampant consumerism (and Jesus!), we felt the need to give something back out of the simple kindness of our hearts.

The Bad News: The two movies we watched are terrible and we’re complete assholes about both of them.

Monsturd tells the tale of an escaped convict who gets covered in mad scientist goo that turns him into a giant dookie creature. Okay, fine. We were on board with the premise. The problem is that both of these movies (Monsturd and its sequel, RetarDEAD) are essentially home movies that are a little too pleased with themselves to be much fun for the audience. Kind of like Film Pigs commentaries.

Also give a listen to our commentary for RetarDEAD!

NETFLIX ALERT!

This commentary was recorded while watching Monsturd on Netflix. As this is a first for the Film Pigs, there is a different procedure for syncing the commentary to the movie. All instructions are in the commentary, so give a listen and follow the crystal clear steps for maximum holiday cheer.

Kingsley Spit

poster_wacknessI’m writing this on my iPhone via the new WordPress app. Pretty killer. Though it’s tough to write on this tiny screen with my giant Shaq hands, I’d much rather be staring at this screen than one showing the smug and snoozy indie The Wackness. It’s about a high school senior in Manhattan in 1994 and tells the story of the poor Upper East Side kid feeling sad because he can’t get laid, his parents are fighting, and his underbite keeps getting in the way of his garbled whiteboy Yo slang. He spends his time hanging with two older guys with terrible fake accents and a serious predilliction for chewing scenery, Method Man and Ghandi. Ghandi is also his shrink who smokes pot when mumble-over-acting because he has no idea why his character is in the film gets too tiring. Then he gets back at his Famke Jamke wife for being a catatonic chain-smoker by making out with one of the Olsen twins. The kid hooks up with Ghandi’s giant tedious slut-monster of a stepdaughter who naturally ends up hurting his feelings. She also gets to explain the title, telling Kid that while she sees the “dopeness” in the world, he just sees the “wackness.” If you don’t now want to punch this girl in the vag, be my guest and go see the flick.