Tag Archives: Yawn

MOVIE COMMENTARY: Retardead (2008)

poster_retardeadThe second in our Holiday Season 2010 double-feature, Retardead is a more-or-less sequel to Monsturd. The mad scientist who created the poo creature from the first movie is back, this time injecting mentally challenged people with a serum that eventually turns them into zombies. Again, as far as gross/offensive premises are concerned, this is right on the money.

Unfortunately, the same issues from Monsturd remain: the ultra-low budget home movie style is made unwatchable by the entire production winking at the audience and itself in every scene. Retardead is also longer than Monsturd, which doesn’t help. The Film Pigs were pretty cranky by this point and in a much less forgiving mood. Which is the exact opposite of how you’re supposed to behave during the holidays. Maybe we ate too much Monkey Bread.

NETFLIX ALERT!

This commentary was recorded while watching Retardead on Netflix. All instructions for syncing to the movie are in the commentary, so give a listen and follow the crystal clear steps for maximum holiday cheer.

MOVIE COMMENTARY: Monsturd (2003)

DVD wrap.epsThe Good News: In the spirit of the holiday season, the Film Pigs bring you TWO commentaries! Overcome with the joy and love that accompanies the annual celebration of rampant consumerism (and Jesus!), we felt the need to give something back out of the simple kindness of our hearts.

The Bad News: The two movies we watched are terrible and we’re complete assholes about both of them.

Monsturd tells the tale of an escaped convict who gets covered in mad scientist goo that turns him into a giant dookie creature. Okay, fine. We were on board with the premise. The problem is that both of these movies (Monsturd and its sequel, RetarDEAD) are essentially home movies that are a little too pleased with themselves to be much fun for the audience. Kind of like Film Pigs commentaries.

Also give a listen to our commentary for RetarDEAD!

NETFLIX ALERT!

This commentary was recorded while watching Monsturd on Netflix. As this is a first for the Film Pigs, there is a different procedure for syncing the commentary to the movie. All instructions are in the commentary, so give a listen and follow the crystal clear steps for maximum holiday cheer.

MOVIE COMMENTARY: The Wolfman (2010)

poster_thewolfmanGood Lord, where to start on this one? The Wolfman is a big-budget remake of a classic horror film that incorporates all of the slow, clunky nonsense of the original and adds a tired Anthony Hopkins, a strangely non-compelling Benicio Del Toro, that computer-elf guy from them nerd movies, and Emily Blunt’s sideboob. The end result is not quite the “magic” you’d expect.

The most fascinating part of The Wolfman, if you can manage to keep yourself awake by repeatedly stabbing yourself in the thigh with an icepick, is Del Toro’s crazy choice of acting like he’s covered in syrup. Syrup that’s laced with horse tranquilizers. He buries his normal high-intensity so deeply, that when he finally turns into the wolfman…well, you’ve already fallen asleep and will miss all the Act III gore.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The Film Pigs watched the Unrated Director’s Cut from the Blu-ray disc for this commentary. No, we don’t know why.

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).