MOVIE COMMENTARY: G.I. Joe – The Rise Of Cobra (2009)

poster_gijoeA new decade brings forth new life challenges. For the Film Pigs, this means sitting through the stupidest movie from the previous decade. It’s hard to quantify just how monumentally stupid G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is, but with a running time of two hours, there’s plenty of time to try.

Based on the 1980s toy line (much like the other wildly expensive and brain damaging Transformers franchise), G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra tells the story of a bunch of assholes with a shitload of corporate money who want to take over the world for no discernible reason and the bunch of assholes with a shitload of government money who want to stop them. There are also nanobots.

The worst part of G.I. Joe is how forgettable it is, even during the viewing. Fun drinking game: every time Falk asks any variation of “Wait…is that Sienna Miller?” take a drink.

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).

7 thoughts on “MOVIE COMMENTARY: G.I. Joe – The Rise Of Cobra (2009)”

  1. Wahay, alright! A new commentary already!

    And what a good movie to pick, too. I don’t care how good an actor he is, the hippie kid from 3rd Rock ain’t no Cobra Commander, god dammit.

  2. Yes. The Film Pigs are backs! This is going to be one rockin’ decade.

    Great choice of movie as well. And by great choice I mean the more pain a film inflicts on the pigs the better.

  3. I did not see GI Joe in theatre because Transformers was so very bad. Although when I saw it on DVD I actually kind of liked it despite the very bad effects.

    Had they not had the stupid power suits chewing up the budget and then not shot another 30 minutes it could have been a good movie that looked adequate.

  4. Ah, this should be fun. I’ll be sure to listen to this tonight. I saw the movie in theatres several months after it came out. At least now it has some payoff.

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