All posts by Todd

Tonn Slingdog Remembers The Franchises, Part One: Children of the Corn

No, I didn’t just rewatch all these goddamn things. This is simply my memory of each one.

CHILDREN OF THE CORN — First time I saw this was at a religious sleepover camp in a church basement. Because of where I was, and the fact that I was surrounded by girls I was really sexually attracted to, it was both more way effective and more enjoyable than it should have been. However, that creepy Isaac guy and the red-head with the raspy voice have stuck with me through the years. Continue reading Tonn Slingdog Remembers The Franchises, Part One: Children of the Corn

Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: Infestation

This one came out in 2009. You know, olden times. I avoided the hell out of it because I had been burnt by one too many duller-than-hell SyFy Channel giant cartoon bug movies. But it was offered up on iTunes as a 99 cent rental, and I needed to take a plane ride, so I bit the bullet. Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: Infestation

Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #9: Resident Evil: Afterlife

What it says on the back of the plastic case:

After a one-woman assault on the Umbrella Corporation’s fortress, Alice’s (Milla Jovovich) superhuman abilities are neutralized. Now fleeing the Undead masses created by the T-virus, Alice reunites with Claire Redfield (Ali Larter) and her brother, Chris (Wentworth Miller). Continue reading Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #9: Resident Evil: Afterlife

Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: The Rig

Happy New Year, Pig Folk!

It’s been awhile since I stumbled on an amusing straight-to-video horror picture, but I dare say I found one. If you are the overly aware horror geek that I am, then you now a lot of Internet critics have shit on this little picture. What they were expecting, I have no idea. Here’s what it is: a low-budget monster movie set on an oil rig. The actors are pretty game, although often seem a bit green as far as their craft is concerned, but that doesn’t matter. The story runs in circles a bit through much of the movie, I guess because when you only have so much money you’ve got to stretch out time between monster mayhem in order to reach feature running time, but again this doesn’t matter. And their “name” actor is William Forsythe, who has always been one of my faves, but maybe he’s phoning it in just a little bit on this one (guess what? Doesn’t matter.) All these elements are nothing to complain about, given what kind of picture it is, but the critics make it seem like it is just another SyFy Channel saturday night premiere when it is heads and tails above anything that channel has ever boasted. Here’s why: Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: The Rig