All posts by Todd

Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part VII: Transformers

Here’s my memories:

TRANSFORMERS – There were a lot of really loud cartoon robots with tons of spinning parts that turned from colorful metal walking things into shiny cars for fancy people. I remember being vaguely confused as to why the robots were actually aliens and why aliens might be robots instead of organic creatures of some kind. I say “vaguely” because I didn’t quite care enough to be actually confused. Also, I remember being vaguely concerned about what might have been racism and misogyny disguised as robots and while I remember that the story was supposed to be about robots in disguise because that was in the theme song from the old toy commercials, I don’t remember anything in the song saying it was supposed to be about racism and misogyny in disguise. The other thing I remember was Megan Fox bending over and Shia Labeouf screaming incessantly.

Continue reading Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part VII: Transformers

Todd Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part VI: Weekend At Bernie’s

WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S – I have many fond memories of this film because I’ve seen it so many times. In fact, one summer I convinced a bunch of Harvard students to come to a double feature screening of both of these movies. They all fell asleep. Smart people are stupid sometimes. Anyway, it’s my favorite one-joke comedy picture of all time, mostly because the joke is completely tasteless and only entertains because at no point is it ever actually funny. It’s the genuinely rare “so bad it’s good” comedy, something hard to achieve because bad jokes are usually just that. And this movie, if watched multiple times, will make you laugh out loud by the fourth or fifth viewing. That may be a result of madness, I don’t know. Continue reading Todd Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part VI: Weekend At Bernie’s

Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part 5: Anaconda(s)

Here are my vague memories of the big snake shows:

ANACONDA – I remember mostly that Jon Voight turned in the performance of his late career, a campy but high energy turn as an anaconda hunter with an unidentifiable accent who keeps calling this one chick “little bird” and then later is actually regurgitated by the giant snake. I remember the effects were pretty bad, but in a good way. I think Jennifer Lopez was on the boat with everyone, and one of those Ice guys was there, and maybe one of the Wilson brothers, and I’m pretty sure Eric Stoltz was napping the entire time. It was fun in the dumbest kind of way. No nudity, though, since it came during this, the age of the PG-13 exploitation film. Blah on that. But yay for giant snakes!

Continue reading Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part 5: Anaconda(s)

Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part 4: The Pirates of the Caribbean

THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL: I saw this one, the first one, because I don’t think I had anything better to do, and I was in the mood for a big-budget studio train wreck. I was happily surprised when I was amused both by Depp’s hilarious character and the rather engaging and imaginative action sequences. Low expectations go a long way! Continue reading Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part 4: The Pirates of the Caribbean

Todd Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part 3: Friday the 13th

Had to do it. It is Friday the 13th. This may be my favorite franchise of all time, not just because the acting is masterful and the scripting tight, but also these movies feature a meticulous attention to detail where the mythology is concerned. Here’s what I remember:

FRIDAY THE 13TH – There’s a bunch of camp counselors and one of them is Kevin Bacon and he wears a Speedo and it is clear he has either a large member or someone jammed a cucumber in there. Also, people were killed by some angry old lady with a dead retarded son. Or something. People smoked pot and had some sex, too, I think. Continue reading Todd Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part 3: Friday the 13th

Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part Two: The Fast and The Furious

Here’s what I remember about these five pictures:

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: I remember a lot of drag racing down large thoroughfares and not really understanding how they didn’t get caught by the police or why there were never any pedestrians anywhere. It was a huge ghost city inhabited only by macho dudes with fast cars and dangerously skinny models dressed like cheap hookers. I’m pretty sure I liked it. Continue reading Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part Two: The Fast and The Furious