Tag Archives: Transformers

Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part VII: Transformers

Here’s my memories:

TRANSFORMERS – There were a lot of really loud cartoon robots with tons of spinning parts that turned from colorful metal walking things into shiny cars for fancy people. I remember being vaguely confused as to why the robots were actually aliens and why aliens might be robots instead of organic creatures of some kind. I say “vaguely” because I didn’t quite care enough to be actually confused. Also, I remember being vaguely concerned about what might have been racism and misogyny disguised as robots and while I remember that the story was supposed to be about robots in disguise because that was in the theme song from the old toy commercials, I don’t remember anything in the song saying it was supposed to be about racism and misogyny in disguise. The other thing I remember was Megan Fox bending over and Shia Labeouf screaming incessantly.

Continue reading Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part VII: Transformers

MOVIE COMMENTARY: G.I. Joe – The Rise Of Cobra (2009)

poster_gijoeA new decade brings forth new life challenges. For the Film Pigs, this means sitting through the stupidest movie from the previous decade. It’s hard to quantify just how monumentally stupid G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is, but with a running time of two hours, there’s plenty of time to try.

Based on the 1980s toy line (much like the other wildly expensive and brain damaging Transformers franchise), G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra tells the story of a bunch of assholes with a shitload of corporate money who want to take over the world for no discernible reason and the bunch of assholes with a shitload of government money who want to stop them. There are also nanobots.

The worst part of G.I. Joe is how forgettable it is, even during the viewing. Fun drinking game: every time Falk asks any variation of “Wait…is that Sienna Miller?” take a drink.

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).