Tag Archives: Vampires

MOVIE REVIEW: Haywire, Underworld: Awakening, Contraband

Three Pigs went into Haywire…but only two came out. Forced by fanatics to see two more January releases, Todd and Skelton brave the endurance test of the year in an effort to rescue Falk from his captors. Liam Neeson was unavailable to rescue Falk, due to a problem with wolves, leaving two Pigs standing tall in the fight of their lives!

The Film Pigs Podcast #18: John Carpenter

FilmPigs_AlbumArtV4_Podcast_1400What do you have to be thankful for this holiday season? Why, an extended episode of The Film Pigs Podcast, of course! This episode, the Pigs discuss the work of John Carpenter (including why Kurt Russell is awesome and underrated), puzzle over movies they hate but everybody else loves in a new segment, hear from their good friend Tonn Slingdog, create dazzling movie ideas in a rousing game of Pitch Me, and more! So very much more! My God, there’s so much, very much, more.

Continue reading The Film Pigs Podcast #18: John Carpenter

Nic Cage Is A Vampire!

nic_cage_vampireFinally, conclusive proof that Nic Cage is an Otherworldly Beast! On eBay!

Original c.1870 carte de visite showing a man who looks exactly like Nick Cage. Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead / vampire, et cetera, who quickens / reinvents himself once every 75 years or so. 150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host. Continue reading Nic Cage Is A Vampire!

MOVIE REVIEW: Daybreakers (2010)

The Film Pigs go see the always expressionistically consistent Ethan Hawke in a vampire picture about vampires. Who conduct business. And drive Chryslers. Oddly, a movie released in the first week of January somehow isn’t that good. I mean, Todd was okay with it. (IMDb)

Featured Film Pigs Listicle: 3 Favorite Willem Dafoe Pictures

MOVIE COMMENTARY: Twilight (2008)

poster_twilightYou missed it. You demanded it. And now you have it: the first Film Pigs commentary in almost a year! Who would have thought it was possible to procrastinate so long on a money-losing hobby?

If you love dull, corporate movie adaptations of dull, corporate novels for teen girls then have we got a treat for you! Twilight, the blockbuster adaptation of the bestselling novel series, brings us the story of Bella, a pale girl who is not even slightly interesting and Edward, her vampire boyfriend who glows like David Bowie in the sunlight and has a severe allergic reaction to Bella’s pungent vagina. Additionally, they both have ludicrously manicured and highly distracting eyebrows.

Dull, inoffensive teen angst is the best you can hope for these days. It’s almost like movies are being made by marketing committees that are only concerned about how much money they can make. It’s weird. At the risk of sounding old (which isn’t a risk at all, the Film Pigs ARE old), when you put Twilight next to the teen angst vampire movie of our generation, The Lost Boys (1987), there really is no comparison. Jason Patric would kick Robert Pattinson’s ass any day of the week. And his eyebrows are dreamier.

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).

“Cloverfield” Director Set For Pointless “Let The Right One In” Remake

Matt Reeves, of Cloverfield fame, is still plugging away at his American adaptation of Swedish vampire film Let The Right One In. I shudder to think of what’s being changed, because the original was basically flawless. (via io9)

REALLY? Do we really need this? Is it so hard to read subtitles, America? Just thinking about the corporate sheen this remake is going to get is depressing. I guess we better prepare ourselves for a needlessly shaky camera and a bland-but-pretty cast. Continue reading “Cloverfield” Director Set For Pointless “Let The Right One In” Remake