I’m sad to report that I haven’t had much luck with the horror shows I’ve been renting lately. Most have been either mediocre (The Tattoist) or lame (Lost Boys 2: The Tribe, despite the post-credit cameo by Corey Haim as a vampire facing off against Corey Feldman…which would have made a much more interesting movie than what they came up with) to incredibly overrated by Fangoria Magazine (Home Sick, despite my favorite DTV scream queen Tiffany Shepis’s presence…and a naked presence, at that.) And I should know by now that Fangoria trumpets a lot of shit they shouldn’t most likely because they probably get kick-backs from distribution companies and whatnot, but I keep trying out their suggestions anyway because they are the only publication out there that wastes time on these indie horror productions and every now and then they come up with a good one.
But I would like to take a moment to celebrate a new trend in indie horror film making. Back in the eighties, when these things still got theatrical releases, it was pretty much a given that you would see some topless girls. But in the age of internet porn, a bit more is required to sell these pictures. That’s right, I’m talking about the topless lipstick lesbian make-out scenes featured in nearly every other DTV horror movie I see. (Tiffany Shepis herself must have done at least one of these at some point. And if not, it’s a crime!) I’ve always found it strange to marry images of sexuality with brutal slayings, but hey, this is exploitation cinema we’re talking about here, so you’ve just gotta move past that kind of horrible irresponsibility on the filmmaker’s part. (Why you would rent a horror movie to see something you can see in much more detail in easily accesible completely free pornography is beyond me, but whatever.) And when many of these movies can be impossibly dull, two cute chicks making out is certainly the shot of adrenaline a person needs to make it to the end (although when it is the very first scene in the film, which I’ve seen happen more than once, it merely provides a burst of excitement that the rest of the damn story can’t possibly live up to.)
Long live lipstick lesbians!
Yours until the sky falls, Todd