Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part 4: The Pirates of the Caribbean

THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL: I saw this one, the first one, because I don’t think I had anything better to do, and I was in the mood for a big-budget studio train wreck. I was happily surprised when I was amused both by Depp’s hilarious character and the rather engaging and imaginative action sequences. Low expectations go a long way!

DEAD MAN’S CHEST: I saw this one because I liked the first one which used to be the reason people went to see sequels but judging by the fact that I don’t know anyone who liked Transformers and the even worse sequel was still a gigantic hit, I don’t think that’s the case anymore. I remember that Johnny Depp in this one kind of lost his charm…not in his performance, but he was no longer written as a pirate with a heart of gold, but just a dick pirate. Which is probably more historically accurate, but not as much fun. Also, I think some squid-man released a Kraken, which was all right.

AT WORLD’S END: I remember there was a whole lot more of Johnny Depp being silly, and often he played against the best actor from the first movie which was himself, but somehow that didn’t help. I think there was maybe a giant unplugged drain at the end that sucked in some cartoon ships or something. Also, long.

ON STRANGER TIDES: Mermaids, maybe? I don’t really remember this one which is odd. Because I saw it yesterday. And I wasn’t high.

2 thoughts on “Tonn Slingdog Remembers the Franchises, Part 4: The Pirates of the Caribbean”

  1. Love this review. Really tells me what I needed to know. Thanks! I was happily surprised by the first as well, but haven’t paid much attention since then. Keep seeing parts of #2 on cable. Meh. Flirted with the idea of seeing this last one in the theaters. Thanks for the save.

  2. I went into the first one with fairly good expectations because I love good pirate movies and this was getting great reviews. I walked out thinking it was long, ponderous and boring.

    The second one was also long, ponderous and boring but at least it had the kraken scene at the end which was kind of cool. So that makes it my favourite.

    I haven’t seen the third one.

    I might see the fourth because it’s apparently the shortest one. They’ve also replaced the dead wood Bloom and Knightley with the much better looking Cruz.

    No pirate movie should be over 120 minutes.

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