Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #8: XXX

What it says on the box:

Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) is a notorious underground thrill-seeker who, until now, has been deemed untouchable by the law. But when crack NSA Agent Gibbons convinces Cage to infiltrate a ruthless Russian crime ring, this new breed of secret agent (code name: XXX) takes down the enemies of justice with a vengeance in this high-octane, turbo-charged thrill ride from the acclaimed director of The Fast and the Furious.

What it should say:

Xander Cage (Vin Diesel, a man named after an internal combustion engine) is notorious for referring to himself in the third-person in interviews, and here he plays a character who does the same thing. Continue reading Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #8: XXX

Review – Splice (2010)

Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #7: Terminal Velocity

What the back of the DVD case says:

Dynamic Charlie Sheen (The Three Musketeers, Young Guns, TV’s Spin City) delivers fast-paced excitement to this high-flying action-adventure! Sheen stas as Ditch Brodie, a daredevil skydiving instructor who falls hard when a sexy, mysterious beauty (Nastassja Kinski) walks through his door looking for a lesson–and apparently plunges to her death during a parachute jump! Suddenly, Sheen finds himself hurled headlong into a nightmare world of intrigue and deceit–caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse with the Russian mafia! With pulse-pounding suspense and sensational skydiving, high-speed adventrue doesn’t move any faster than Terminal Velocity!

What it should say:

Charlie Sheen is crazy!

Holy Crackdown, Batman!

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The Chinese Theatre won’t be the same without those costumedĀ rapscallions.