Tag Archives: Holiday Season

Movie Commentaries

Commentary #42 – Die Hard 2 (1990)

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Happy holidays, everyone! It’s a Christmas Miracle! The Film Pigs round out 2011 with a treat that’s sure to please everyone: a commentary for the marginally holiday-themed Bruce Willis classic, Die Hard 2! Or, as it’s known in the Philippines, the UK, and on USA video boxes – Die Hard 2: Die Harder. Because nothing says “we put minimal effort into thinking this whole thing through” like an uninspired subtitle.

PLEASE NOTE: you may wish to put the kids to bed before screening, unless you want to expose your precious little ones to William Sadler’s inexplicably naked Tai chi routine. You’ve been warned.

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.

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Reflections on a Cinematic Thanksgiving Holiday by a Dad

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First and foremost, please understand that while I am very critical, I am not a “film critic.” For one, I pay to see movies. Also, I don’t have that certain level of pretension where I believe my opinion to be more relevant than anyone else’s who loves going to the movies. Don’t forget, too, that I work (at least sometimes) in the industry, so I have a very unique perspective which I am sure skews how I see things away from what a “casual” movie goer might experience. At the same time, I’m pretty mainstream in my tastes…I thought “Drive” was boring, for example. I preferred the completely ludicrous bombast of “Fast Five.” Maybe because it had some actual driving in it. I don’t know.

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Movie Reviews

Review – A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

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Movie Commentaries

Commentary #28 – Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

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poster_silentnightdeadlynightIt’s a Christmas Miracle! The Film Pigs return to make everyone’s holiday season a little brighter. And what better way to celebrate the Christian / Jewish / Muslim / Pagan / Pastafarian season than with a movie about a homicidal Santa Claus? Answer: THERE IS NO BETTER WAY!

Silent Night, Deadly Night takes us back to a simpler time, when ghostbusting was king and traversing the space-time continuum in modified DeLoreans was commonplace. In the early 80s, no one thought twice about a dusty old nun whipping two naked teenagers with a leather belt, or of wearing cheap sweaters with no undershirts or bras. We were too busy fighting Communism when, in retrospect, we should have been paying more attention to drunken, murderous Santa Clauses. Happy holidays!

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.

Movie Commentaries

Commentary #26 – P2 (2007)

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Happy holidays Film Pigs fans! In keeping with our marginally adhered to tradition of Christmastime-themed commentaries for the season, we bring you P2. It’s a story of thrills, survival and impossibly perky cleavage.

Set in a strange, alternate-reality New York City where the streets are barren after 6pm and people actually apologize for acting like assholes at the Christmas party (translation: Toronto), P2 tells the cautionary tale of why you should never be trapped in a Canadian parking garage with a psychotic killer during the holiday season. But if you are, for God’s sake just have dinner with the guy. ‘Tis the season! (IMDb)

Here are some highlights:

  • Silly Elvis Impersonation By Crazy Man: 1
  • Amazingly Graphic Crushed To Death By Car Scene: 1
  • Stupidly Watertight Elevator: 1
  • Dog Stabbing: 1
  • Rolls Of Boob Tape: 4,017

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.

Movie Commentaries

Commentary #20 – Christmas Fireplace (2007)

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The Film Pigs spread holiday cheer with this very special DVD commentary. Snatched up in the festive shopping madness at Burbank’s finest Kmart, marvel as the Pigs learn the true meaning of the holidays while they triple-fist booze and make inappropriate remarks about Famke Janssen. Truly, a Christmas miracle! Asbestos cookies! (IMDb)

SPECIAL NOTE: Instructions for syncing playback to this commentary are included during the recording. Everybody try not to swarm Kmart all at once.