MOVIE COMMENTARY: The Outsiders (1983)

poster_outsidersThe Film Pigs sit down with S.E. Hinton’s classic tale of cuddle-prone and generally shirtless street punks on the run for the self-defense murder of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog model. Hugs! (IMDb)

SPECIAL NOTE: This commentary is for “The Outsiders – The Complete Novel (Two-Disc Special Edition)” DVD – not the theatrical release. Special features include deleted scenes and an all-new score, which sounds like the same 8-bars of surf music repeated incessantly. It’s so inappropriate for the movie we thought it was going to give our first guest commentator, Pamela Ribon, a heart attack or something.

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).

MOVIE COMMENTARY: It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)

poster_wonderfullifeIs it just us or is “Pottersville,” the version of Bedford Falls where George Bailey never existed, the most AWESOME PLACE EVER?!!! It’s got neon lights, dance halls, and titty bars galore! For some reason George thinks life is better without those things, which makes him a douche bag. Pay attention to how much EVERYBODY in Bedford Falls drinks, even the endless stream of extras, and you’ll realize the reason it’s a wonderful life is alcoholism. And remember, what happens in Pottersville stays in Pottersville… (IMDb)

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).

MOVIE COMMENTARY: Saw (2004)

poster_sawFor a movie called “Saw,” there is an alarming lack of “sawing” – of arms, legs, heads, wooden planks, trees, anything. However, there is plenty of terrifying acting from Carey Elwwwwwwes, who spends most of the movie in a life-or-death struggle with his accent. Plus, there is the obligatory pointless twist ending that paves the way for “Saw II,” which will hopefully deliver on the gore “Saw” only teases us with. (IMDb)

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).

MOVIE COMMENTARY: The Passion Of The Christ (2004)

poster_passionchristWe are going to hell. Which should be more fun than watching this movie. The Bible is really confusing. (IMDb)

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).

MOVIE COMMENTARY: Hitch (2005)

poster_hitchThere is a moment in this movie where an indignant Will Smith berates Eva Mendes for criticizing his job as a “date doctor” by making the point that women are too stupid and shallow to recognize the true qualities of a man. Therefore, men are justified in crafting elaborate lies in order to falsely win their affections. And she eventually agrees with him! Hilarious. There are also numerous jokes highlighting Kevin James’ awkwardness. All totally subtle. (IMDb)

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).

MOVIE COMMENTARY: Meet The Fockers (2004)

poster_meetthefockersAnd you thought previous performances from DeNiro and Stiller were embarrassing. The Film Pigs stagger through the most contrived screwball-family-comedy-barely-disguised-as-an- excuse-for-poop-jokes movie starring actors whose performances used to matter. Lifetime gross: $279 million. Why, America? Why? (IMDb)

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).