For amazingly inappropriate horror-comedy magic look no further than Feast II: Sloppy Seconds. It’s got everything: lesbian biker chicks, monster cum facials, midget tossing, baby killing, and most importantly guys in silly rubber monster suits running around and growling. Feast I thought was kind of fun, a bouncy little movie that took joy in turning certain horror genre conventions on their ears, but the sequel feels more…unshackled, as if director John Gulager was held back by all those famous Project Greenlight people. This one is pure, unadulterated shock value, and for someone as desensitized to horror nonsense as I to be jumping up and down in his living room and cheering after experiencing the disbelief of seeing the lengths this picture will go to offend is to say this just may be the best thing of its kind since Peter Jackson’s masterpiece Dead Alive. If you like this kind of thing and you disagree, then you are a stupid poop-face.
Breaking my streak of unwatchable DTV horror, I discovered a movie called Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer, a kind of anti-Buffy movie. Jack Brooks is the world’s worst plumber with a massive anger management problem, and he’s played with giddy, aggravated energy by the likeable Trevor Matthews. His family was killed by a monster, and he’s never gotten past his inability to have done anything about it. His science teacher (most of the movie takes place in a high school, although it seems to be a night class–all the students dress like they are still in high school, circa 1986, but they are all clearly too old to actually be in high school) asks him to fix a plumbing problem at his creepy new house, and Jack unwittingly unleashes a possessed black heart of evil which possesses the science teacher, slowly turning him into a monster not-so-gently reminiscent of the Chet monster of Weird Science.
As I believe I mentioned on one of the last Straight-to-DVD Corner posts, the straight-to-video sequels of theatrical releases (such as The Butterfly Effect 2, Urban Legends: Bloody Mary, and I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer) are never as much fun as the franchises from which they were born (and I realize that the originals of the sequels I just listed were not particularly fantastic, but all were fun for what they were. So leave me alone about it. Seriously. Get off my back.) But I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I didn’t find an exception to my little rule (not that I’m saying anything bad about monkeys, I would consider myself lucky to be the uncle of any sort of primate, except maybe the baboon because those guys seem particularly dangerous.)
Yes, that’s right, I’m talking about a movie starring Stephen Dorff. It’s fantastically gory and funny. And the title is to die for: Botched. Of course, for the most part the picture has received bad online reviews, and the title has been used against itself. But you know what? Anyone expecting more than what this is from a DVD premiere movie is kind of an asshole. Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Todd: Dorff Botches It
There was once a place called a grindhouse where one could go to watch “B” movies. Ever since Hollywood co-opted the “B” movie and renamed it “the summer tent pole” movie, the grindhouse has moved into the living room. That’s right, the only place to check out truly fun, low budget grindhouse movies is on your DVD player (and no, the Tarantino/Rodgriquez effort wasn’t true grindhouse fare, there was simply too much money involved.) So, as a lover of trash cinema, I wind up watching a shitload of straight-to-DVD movies. Most of them are unwatchable “DIY” features shot on home video cameras by amateurs who have no idea how to turn a shoestring budget into an entertaining story (and they also have no idea what it means to show instead of tell as these movies generally feature terrible and unattractive actors explaining to each other about what is happening/going to happen while the hapless audience slowly sinks into their throw pillows praying for a quick and painless end.) Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Todd: Killer Croc Movies
…as written in a text message to a friend while watching the movie:
“There is a lot of really awesome stuff about The Darjeeling Limited. It is also an unforgivably meandering and kind of deeply shitty movie. It’s more self-gazing and tickled by its own imagined awesomeness than Paris Hilton getting fucking in a hall of mirrors.”
Okay, well, granted, that text message is pretty tickled by its own imagined awesomeness too, but at least I didn’t make a movie out of it. Continue reading Stee’s Thoughts On The Darjeeling Limited