Okay, perhaps movies that seek purely to make you sick to your stomach are abusing our whole “right to free speech” thing, but dammit if I’m not happier than a pig in putrid, bloody, pus-filled dung that they are around. This past weekend, I sat down with some friends to do a double feature of Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever and its DTV sequel, Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever. To be honest, when I first saw Roth’s original in the theater I was disappointed…but I’ll give it this: it holds up. I was still disappointed with it. However, after you wade through an hour long swamp of underdeveloped characters yammering at each other, the last twenty minutes of the picture are a lot of fun. Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever takes that last twenty minutes and turns into eighty minutes of pure disgustingness. And this is a good thing. Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: It’s So Disgusting!
What it says on the back of the DVD:
Gerard Butler (300, RocknRolla) stars as Kable, condemned criminal and globally famous super-soldier in the ultimate multiplayer game, “Slayers.” Human controllers direct each though and move of real-life prison inmates battling in hyper-intense environments–where the goal is freedom and the penalty is death. But when Kable suddenly decides he wants out, his rebellion threates the twisted plans of game creator Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall, TV’s “Dexter”), who will stop at nothing to crush the renegade commando in this taut, adrenaline-packed action-thriller. Continue reading Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #4: Gamer
For amazingly inappropriate horror-comedy magic look no further than Feast II: Sloppy Seconds. It’s got everything: lesbian biker chicks, monster cum facials, midget tossing, baby killing, and most importantly guys in silly rubber monster suits running around and growling. Feast I thought was kind of fun, a bouncy little movie that took joy in turning certain horror genre conventions on their ears, but the sequel feels more…unshackled, as if director John Gulager was held back by all those famous Project Greenlight people. This one is pure, unadulterated shock value, and for someone as desensitized to horror nonsense as I to be jumping up and down in his living room and cheering after experiencing the disbelief of seeing the lengths this picture will go to offend is to say this just may be the best thing of its kind since Peter Jackson’s masterpiece Dead Alive. If you like this kind of thing and you disagree, then you are a stupid poop-face.
Here’s a delectable “B” exploitation double feature for you: Trapped Ashes and Teeth. Both feature female erogenous zones that hunger for human blood. That’s right! Even now, in a porn riddled world, sex is still terrifying! And the most terrifying parts of sex are breasts and the vagina! No, really! Gross and horrifying! Ewwwwww! Vagina!