Commentary #21 – Disturbia (2007)

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The Film Pigs just can’t get enough of that charming Shia LaBeouf! This time he stars as an impulse-control challenged and slightly pervy teenager under house arrest in this modern take on Hitchcock’s classic Rear Window. Major difference: Disturbia has a flaming bag of dogshit that is noticeably absent from Hitchcock’s version. Not that you should read anything into that. Also, Grace Kelly has been replaced by a skinny teenage girl and an iPod. David Morse is, as always, extremely menacing. He frightens us. Somebody make him leave Shia and Dr. House alone. (IMDb)

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.

Commentary #20 – Christmas Fireplace (2007)

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The Film Pigs spread holiday cheer with this very special DVD commentary. Snatched up in the festive shopping madness at Burbank’s finest Kmart, marvel as the Pigs learn the true meaning of the holidays while they triple-fist booze and make inappropriate remarks about Famke Janssen. Truly, a Christmas miracle! Asbestos cookies! (IMDb)

SPECIAL NOTE: Instructions for syncing playback to this commentary are included during the recording. Everybody try not to swarm Kmart all at once.

Commentary #19 – Transformers (2007)

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Normally this would be where we make fun of the movie’s tagline – something like “Transformers: Their War. Our World. Complete Waste Of Your Time.” – but holy f*ck, this thing is so dull it saps strength even after its running time concludes. Somehow, a movie has been made about giant robots covered in sharp spinning objects that turn into cars and jets and back into robots while they’re fighting that’s about as compelling as changing your cell phone’s battery. It’s the mechanical-man-in-conflict version of Paul Haggis’ “Crash” – but with more believable commentary on race relations and road safety. Michael Bay has finally succeeded in stripping the very last shred of humanity from his films, perhaps hoping that his robotic overlords will finally let him leave planet earth. Which, apparently, is a pretty cool place to “kick it.” (IMDb)

BONUS: For the first time ever, the Film Pigs screw up the DVD playback and ruin the commentary!

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).