Here’s a delectable “B” exploitation double feature for you: Trapped Ashes and Teeth. Both feature female erogenous zones that hunger for human blood. That’s right! Even now, in a porn riddled world, sex is still terrifying! And the most terrifying parts of sex are breasts and the vagina! No, really! Gross and horrifying! Ewwwwww! Vagina!
Yes, I realize this title looks offensive. But I swear to you I don’t have anything against Matthew Modine, and I don’t think rape is funny (usually.) But I’m compelled to deal with this issue anyway, for reasons I can’t quite explain.
Four weeks ago I watched a movie from the eighties called The Hotel New Hampshire. I had no intention of writing about it because it seems completely irrelevent at this stage in time. So irrelevent, in fact, that I saw this on my Tivo after recording it off of the Encore Love Channel almost two years ago. The damn movie probably isn’t airing on that niche channel anymore, and I haven’t had premium channels for a long time, so the channel itself may not even exist anymore for all I know.
Why did I record it and watch it, then? I saw the name while aimlessly searching for movies to record, and I had a vivid memory of the theatrical trailer. The movie was sold as your basic eighties coming-of-age exploitation movie, and because I was a high school loser whose only shot at seeing naked boobs was in movies, I’m sure I wanted to see the hell out of it. I never did, however, because when I expressed my interest to a friend, he informed me that the movie made no sense and had almost no boob shots. Instead, I rented Screwballs and was extremely pleased.
Today was a day like any other day. I spent most of the day in the car. I had to dress up like a frog for a commercial audition. After that proud moment, on my way back to my car, I walked by another car filled with young girls and when they got a good look at me one of them said in an extremely audible fashion, “Hell, no!” (I wasn’t making an overtures. But she really wanted me to know, anyway.) Continue reading Why the hell am I so happy?